1000 Forma of Fear
by EmileneWilde
Summary: So, I took each one of Sia's songs from her album 1000 Forms of Fear, and I wrote a one shot for each one. I hope you enjoy them. Don't forget to review!


**Chapter 1 - Chandelier**

 **First chapter in 1000 Forms of Fear, a compilation of Criminal Minds song one-shot. Love you all! ?**

 _Party girls don't get hurt_

 _Can't feel anything, when will I learn_

 _I push it down, push it down_

A 17 year old Emily stumbles through her apartment. She was drunk, and on a drug she couldn't really identify; other than the fact that it made her feel like crap. She puts her hand over her mouth, her nails digging into the soft flesh of her face as she fights back vomit.

 _I'm the one for a good time call_

 _Phone's blowing up_

 _Ringing my doorbell_

 _I feel the love_

 _Feel the love_

She groans as the piercing sound of her phone ringing fills the air. She quickly turns her ringer off, not wanting to deal with it today. She throws her phone across the room with a cry of frustration. She was taking a day off. Yeah, so she prostituted herself sometimes. Not often...only when she couldn't pay for the rent, food, and occasional drugs.

 _1,2,3_

 _1,2,3 drink_

 _1,2,3_

 _1,2,3 drink_

She slides into a chair, pouring a tumbler full of whiskey. She downs it in one shot. She gasps as the liquor burns down her throat. This was pain. The kind of pain that woke her up. The kind of pain she needed.

 _1,2,3_

 _1,2,3 drink_

 _Throw 'em back till I lose count_

She stands up, steering herself towards the bathroom. Tears sting at her eyes as the memories of her last 'gig' flood her mind.

 _I'm gonna swing from the chandelier_

 _From the chandelier_

 _I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist_

 _Like it doesn't exist_

She sobs, falling to her bathroom floor. "No. No, no, no." She mumbles, tears streaming down her cheeks. The drugs were wearing off, and emotions were peeking through the thick walls she had built herself. She cries out, grabbing her pocket knife from her bathroom drawer.

 _I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night_

 _Feel my tears as they dry_

 _I'm gonna swing from the chandelier_

 _From the chandelier_

She hasn't cut since she was 15, but she was hurting right now, and didn't know what to do anymore. She moans quietly as the blade pierces the upper side of her wrist.

 _And I'm holding on for dear life_

 _Won't look down, won't open my eyes_

 _Keep my glass full until morning light_

 _Cause I'm just holding on for tonight_

She never cut on the underside. She knew that was dangerous, and she didn't want to die. She just wanted to hurt physically, the way she did emotionally. She finally cuts the underside of her wrist, just above the vein.

 _Help me I'm holding on for dear life_

 _Won't look down, won't open my eyes_

 _Keep my glass full until morning light_

 _Cause I'm just holding on for tonight_

 _On for tonight_

Her sobs wrack through her entire body, so she didn't have a steady hand with her blade. She cuts deeper then she means to, which causes her to rip the blade away. She lay on her back, shutting her eyes. She ignores the insane amounts of blood seeping from her left wrist, because she didn't care.

 _Sun is up, I'm a mess_

 _Gotta get out now_

 _Gotta run from this_

 _Here comes the shame, here comes the shame_

She soon slips into a restless sleep, an her dreams were terrorized by everything she had ever done. She hadn't had a good dream in years, and didn't expect it to start now. Even in her sleep, she cries. Not anymore. Now, she lay still. Now, she borders death, but she isn't afraid.

 _1,2,3_

 _1,2,3 drink_

 _1,2,3_

 _1,2,3 drink_

 _1,2,3_

 _1,2,3 drink_

 _Throw 'em back_

 _Till I lose count_

 **Emily's current dream**

Emily runs through the woods, caressing her protruding stomach. She was 9 months pregnant, and she wasn't sure where she was running to. Blood seeps from a wound on her wrist, and sweat drips down her body. She is clothed in a thin blue nightgown that reaches mid thigh.

 _I'm gonna swing from the chandelier_

 _From the chandelier_

 _I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist_

 _Like it doesn't exist_

She sobs in fear, pushing past a tree. She ducks into a hollow tree, panting and exhausted. She gasps. Her water broke. She sits for what feels like hours, before a voice in her head tells her to push. So she does.

 _I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night_

 _Feel my tears as they dry_

 _I'm gonna swing from the chandelier_

 _From the chandelier_

She wakes up, no tears, even though the pain inside her feels like an explosion. She stands up, and walks to her kitchen, ignoring the light blood flow dripping from her wrist to the hardwood floor. She searches desperately for anything to numb the pain. Not the physical pain, but the emotion pain she's locked in for most of her life. She searches for drugs, alcohol, anything.

 _And I'm just holding on for tonight_

 _Won't look down_

 _Won't open my eyes_

She just wants the pain of living to stop. She realizes there is a way...a way to fix everything...a way to stop her pain, her endless suffering...she thinks it over, wondering if it's the right thing to do. She doesn't have anyone left to live for. No one will miss her.

 _Keep my glass full until morning light_

 _Cause I'm just holding on for tonight_

 _Help me I'm holding on for dear life_

 _Won't look down_

 _Won't open my eyes_

She's nothing. Not anymore. Her soul has been eaten away, by her mother, by her customers, by her conscience. Though her mind screams at her, it's faint. She's blocked it out. Her moral compass is gone. She is dead. Until her phone rings. Not her cell, her house. No one ever called it. Except him.

 _Keep my glass full until morning light_

 _Cause I'm just holding on for tonight_

 _On for tonight_

 _On for tonight_

"Hello." She answers softly. She doesn't want this. Not anymore. She did have someone to live for, but does he care anymore? Had he forgotten everything they'd been through? Everything they'd done? Their daughter who was with her adoptive parents? Who didn't even know. How could he forget someone he never knew? She can't give up just yet. It's never over.

 _Cause I'm just holding on for tonight_

 _Cause I'm just holding on for tonight_

 _Oh I'm just holding on for tonight_

 _On for tonight_

 _On for tonight_

 **Thaaannnkkkk you! Hope you all liked it! ? Co-written by my crazy depressed bestie. Luvz,**

 **Em?** **ﾟﾘﾘ** **?**


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